False Alarms & Body Image Issues

 

Chops, Roast Potatoes (perfect!) & Veggies. Brentyn made me such an awesome dinner last night! Bless him!

 

Oops, it’s been a while. I knew it wouldn’t take long before I started to procrastinate in writing.

And of course I made myself the usual excuses “I’m pregnant, I’m crampy, I’m too tired!”. Well duh, actually I’ve been like that every day for a while :p So it shouldn’t count.

I keep having these mini false alarms at night (probably because it’s when baby is most active) and think “Oh, this is the early stages of labour!”. Then I fall asleep and wake up in the morning and all symptoms have gone, lol. Figures.

Last night was no exception. I had SO much movement in my lower pelvis. Every time baby moved I got a wriggle like normal, under my skin, then a SHARP OMG OWCH pain right on my cervix. It made me want to jump through the ceiling. I kept saying to Brentyn “Holy crap, if transition is just THAT sharp pain, I will kill myself or be lying shaking and crying in a pool of my own vomit” lmao. No seriously. I can handle that pain for the 2 second bursts I get from the nerve pinching, but if it went any longer than that I’d go into cardiac arrest! Ow ow!

In a positive light, I can’t be too annoyed when the baby gives me those pains though. It feels SO reassuring to feel the baby move about like that, because I feel absolutely nothing through-out the day. I worry about the baby, I worry it has it’s head trapped in the cord or is under distress. I’ll sit down and force myself to crunch down a whole tray of mini ice blocks, then I poke and prod my stomach for a while. The baby will generally kick (pulse) once VERY gently. Enough that I don’t call the midwives, but not enough to give me some peace of mind! My number one concern these days is the babies movements. I really hope everything’s okay in there.

I guess I’m also kind of worried about the babies size. At the moment I have one little foot up resting on my right floating rib. I also have a big bubs head firmly sitting near my cervix (and I’m telling you this without know what station, or how effaced I am. No one has ever checked that…). I’m judging this based on those shooting pains I get when bub moves.

The baby is so big now that I simply can not tell the difference between a Braxton Hicks contraction (or any tightening of my tummy) and the baby moving. Sometimes the baby slides ALL the way to one side, and a huge back pokes out the side of my tummy leaving me looking like an alien (and feeling like I’m about to be torn a huge whole in my side!!). I can feel tight pressing of arms and legs and back and bottom on all sides of my tummy. Sometimes I tell myself “The baby is traverse! How else could it fill so much room?!” but then I get a pain in my cervix that reminds me that the baby is still engaged as well as filling up the rest of my tummy.

I wonder how big the baby will be. I would guess 9lb something… but everyone keeps telling me “You’re so small, you’re belly isn’t big enough to deliver yet!” Hmmm. I am currently 99 kg. I know this is enormous. But when I first got pregnant I was the biggest I had *ever* been my whole life. I was 103.5 kg. A couple of weeks ago I was about 92kg, but I’ve been putting on some weight these last weeks. It’s the only time through the whole pregnancy I have put on weight… I’m guessing a lot of it has to do with the babys growth, and then how starving the baby has made me. However, all I eat is Weet-Bix with Splenda and low fat milk. It baffles me how anyone could gain weight on that.
Anyway, my point is, probably the reason my tummy looks small, is because I have been losing weight and most of my tummy is just baby. I can see in myself, I have lost a lot of weight in the last 9 months. Seriously. It bothers me because it’s left me with non-elastic loose skin, so while my tummy is stretched to capacity with terrible tears and stretchmarks, the rest of me is all soft and skin. Hmph. I can’t win a trick! Pregnancy really has screwed up my skin.I kind of knew that would happen though, when I had a growth spurt in puberty I got a stack of stretch marks too, from getting tall. I got over it though, I’d take stretch marks over loose skin any day. At least they fade away.

It’s funny, I’m complaining about my bodies appearance now. Everyone's told me to be prepared for heartbreak after birth. Great :p But I am sure seeing our little sweetheart will make this all seem like superficial crap, which really, it is. I don’t really care myself, I just want my husband to be happy with my body. Otherwise, no more kids, right? LOL Not that I want to think about that right now!

 

Well Brentyn has the rest of today off. I’d like to say this means we can finally finish doing the chores around the house (because most of it involves lifting heavy things, stuff I need help with) but Brentyn looks so cute right now, all snug up in his blankets. What a slug, lol. We are definitely getting nothing done today, I can see that already!

Everything seems normal :)

Off to work, again :) Packed lunch, yay!

Well, I am back from M.D.A.U. The CTG scan went well and baby is moving a lot in there and the heart beat is normal. Yay!

I did notice something different this time though, my contractions monitor was actually moving a teeny bit, it’s usually just a straight line for me. Maybe that means something.. hmmm.

The midwife gave me the option of waiting to see a doctor to get examined to see my progress, but she warned it’d be a really long wait, and she believed it’d probably be a waste of time anyway since she’d probably notice something was up otherwise. I thought about it for a while and decided to just go home and call them if I have any problems. Brentyn had to leave for work soon anyway, so it was better that way.

We talked a little about my SPD. She said it’s actually really common and while it’s annoying it should be expected. She told me if I can’t relieve it at all though and it doesn’t go away it *might* be something else, so I should keep an eye on it, which I will.

Mum’s coming over soon. Oh my goodness, I am so exhausted. I barely got any sleep last night. I was hoping to get a nap today but the MDAU took a while so now Mum should be here any minute. Not that I don’t like her around, I really do. It’s extremely reassuring (especially at this late stage) and it’s awesome having the company. I would just feel rude if she came over and I left her for dead so I could have a sleep. lol. It’s okay though.

Brentyn and I have been talking about what to do with the baby bonus. Nope, no plasma TV’s lol. We have all our baby gear waiting for us in two lay-bys at Target. They just need to be picked up. That’s about $600. Then we will get a drier (which will be especially handy since we’ll be using cloth nappies, and this area is really prone to thrips). We will also put money aside for a cot. I know we have one but it’s been told to us, down to the ground, that it doesn’t pass today’s SIDs safety laws. It was Brentyns cot, so 25 years old. And while there’s something insanely cute and awesome about using it… no new mattresses or sheet sets fit it’s dimensions anymore, and we’ve been warned by the midwives that it could seriously increase the risk of cot death :( Sad :(
We also need a new vacuum cleaner, and if we have the money, a lawn mower/whipper snipper. We’ll try to get a treadmill too, so that I can recover faster and get over my diabetes (and down to target weight) easier. That is pretty important to me, I really don’t want type 2 this young.

That should leave us with about $2000 to save for baby in an ING account, which we will take out when the baby is older and needs new clothes and toys etc.

Sounds great in theory, it’d be awesome if it went to plan!

Last date before bub, followed by weird feelings. (TMI warning)

Up in the middle of the night with weird pains again. Seriously suspicious ones. Now, this would all make sense if I had eaten something weird or different today – but I haven’t and this is just ridiculous.

Brentyn and I went to the cheap $10 movies today and finally saw “The Princess and the Frog”. It was so awesome! I really enjoyed seeing 2D Disney again, it makes me so happy :) Prior to this though Brentyn and I, in classic dating style, went and bought lunch. I can’t even remember the last time we bought lunch. It was awesome, it felt just like when we were dating again. And, joy of joys, my blood sugar behaved itself. I only had Chicken Teriyaki, Broccoli and miso soup from Fuji-San (had to toss most of the rice though :() but ohhh it had flavour and it was to DIE for! Brentyn just had McDonalds, it didn’t look appealing to me anymore. He gave me two of his fries and I couldn’t ever taste the appeal. I suppose it’s telling how long I’ve been eating well and avoiding that stuff – now I don’t even want it anymore, which is great.

Anyway, when we got home from Readings Cinemas I felt a bit weird and full of pains. I shrugged it off, because (TMI alert) I had a lot of gas with each BH contraction. What I hadn’t realised though is that getting rid of the gas would not relieve the contraction. I was just left with an uncomfortable pain in the bottom of my pelvis that I couldn’t shake. However all of babys movements (tiny amount that they are…) are now right in my lower pelvis, nowhere near my ribs.
After midnight I went to sleep. I’ve been waking up about 1-2 times each hour since then. It’s about 3:00am now. Then (TMI again) I had the runs and felt like I was going to vomit everywhere. And strangely enough this was accompanied by tingling feet and legs with a little numbness. I have no idea what that was about.

All I know is that this has all been completely new and weird. Add to this I still have no idea what a real contraction is going to feel like, and I’m stuck in two trains of thought.
One) That this is all lead up to a huge FESTIVAL of pain that I can’t even contemplate or;
Two) That I’m in the early phases of labour and will go in tomorrow to hear I am progressing.

Something tells me it’s the former. I have a stupidly low thresh-hold for pain. Even though I have had pretty intense pain from 3 abscesses in the past.
People laugh at me when I say that, but seriously; the pain of a very deeply infected abscess which was about one day off killing me from blood poisoning is just about one of the most painful things I can think of. You can’t really understand unless you’ve had it happen. All I remember was the last time it happened Brentyn had to take me to the emergency outpatients at a hospital in Melbourne two nights in a row. The last night I was there I just held a wheat pack to my face, moaned and rocked back and forth in a foetal position till a doctor saw me (which was 4 hours later…). Just about everyone in the waiting room looked at me with that face that says “Damn, should I be here? I’m glad I’m not her…”.

Well I think I’m probably not in labour now. As I write this it’s about 3:36 am and I haven’t had a really painful BH contraction. Just one mild one.
Either way, I go to the Maternity Day Assessment Unit at Geelong Hospital tomorrow at 10am. I’m only going in for my weekly CTG scan to check the babies heartbeat (because I can barely feel the baby move at all these day). I desperately hope they check me out beyond the CTG though. Maybe I should plead with them since they know I am going two weeks without seeing anyone and I’m term. It’s pretty unfair to leave me in the dark :( Especially when I’m high risk, a first timer, and super nervous!

We will see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully some sleep! I’m so exhausted…

Can’t sleep… again

Brentyn & Trunks – Still sleeping like “babies”…

This frustrates me the most about being 38 weeks pregnant. I can never sleep enough.

Today I am lucky, I woke up at 5:50am. Usually it’s 3am or 4am, which usually coincides with Brentyn getting off the internet and finally going to sleep, lol.

Maybe I should be thankful my body is trying to warn or prepare me for what is to come. I’m sure it will be extra difficult though, since I’ve always had trouble getting enough sleep with CFS.

Pregnancy update – Still nothing. Now I’m having headaches, which are apparently a sign of High Blood Pressure (again?). I’m not concerned though, not having enough sleep would do this to anyone.

On a positive note, Blood Sugar was low again this morning so I treated myself to my long craved diabetic favourite of 3 weet-bix and 2 sachets of equal sweetener. Oh man, to die for :)

Other than that – no contractions (other than a random Braxton hicks and then random bouts of pain which are probably not contractions) no bloody show or waters breaking… I *might* be losing my plug slowly, but I have no idea till a midwife checks me out. I’m getting concerned & impatient. I think I might just get them to check if they are not super busy at the Day Assessment Unit on Wednesday (27th).

Now I shall try to get back to sleep again. Doubt that will happen!

Happy Australia Day :)

Week 38 (+2 days)

Here’s hoping the blood tests end & a baby will arrive soon…

It feels like I’ve been pregnant for a full year… or maybe longer.

While I’m really excited to not be pregnant anymore, not have the pains, the extra weight to carry around, (hopefully) not have diabetes and the constant limitations; I’m as equally paranoid about labour.

I still can’t fully decide what I want to do. I think there are too many people with too many different ideas. Some people will tell me to go all natural, and imply that people who use pain medication are weak (cop-out). Others will be open to the idea of pain relief and absolutely terrify you out of considering even the thought of feeling one contraction naturally.

Then there are the anti-epidural groups. They’ll have you believe that even though most people get epidurals these days – if *you* get the epidural *you* will be the one in a million that becomes paralysed from it. And lets not forget that if anything happens to your baby, it was *your* fault for using pain relief.

I just wish people wouldn’t get so mad at each other, and accept that there are many ways to give birth, and they’re all completely valid. People have a hard enough time accepting and dealing with the loss of a child through labour, without the additional guilt-tripping from those who think they know better.

So far my rough plan is to go in and see how I feel. If I can’t cope, I’m open to an epidural. This will be a lot more likely if I am induced. If I can’t get an epidural, and I’m not on an IV drip, I’ll go for the bath. If that’s out too, I’ll go for anything I can get (but certainly not Pethidine/Demerol – I draw the line there).

I feel like I will go into labour before my 39 week midwife appointment. I can’t believe at this late stage they are cancelling my 38 week midwife appointment because it’s a public holiday. That’s really professional.

I’ve been told if I get to my 39 week appointment before going into labour, that I will get an appointment from a doctor – for induction before 40 weeks.

I really would prefer if I went into labour naturally, we will see. The way I’ve been feeling the last few days, I seriously would not at all be surprised if I went into labour this week.

I can’t remember the last night I didn't wake up from pains (not just from needing to pee a lot). I have a milder form of SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction) which hurts more at night than in the day. I find it really painful to change sides at night, or sit up… and when I get up for a bathroom stop in the middle of the night I look like the Hunchback of Notre Dam, just a lot more complain-y and loud :p

On a positive note, though, my blood sugar levels have been a LOT easier to manage this last week. Apparently they keep getting higher through pregnancy, plateau at 37 weeks then taper off. Yay.

Tomorrow Brentyn has a day off, so I finally get to rest! I’m really sick of doing jobs around the house and garden… the last few days I’ve been beyond exhausted.

Hopefully we can go to the movies together as a last hurrah before baby arrives.

I find it very amusing that at this very moment little baby has the hiccups in Mums tummy, and Brentyn is sitting next to me with hiccups too. Lol. Cute.