Little terror was fun today but so cranky that Daddy wasn't home from lunchtime till 9pm, she kept crying in her cot and refusing to sleep. It was such a long day, I just ended up chilling out by her cot with the iphone, and she was quite happy playing with my toes :)



Allan came around in the arvo which was nice because we all got out of the house for a bit. Lily-Rose was happy to sit in the stroller and cling onto Grumpy bear for the walk down to the bmx tracks, but sadly they were too muddy to have a go on :( boo. It wasn't all a total loss though, the walk was nice and I got to check out the new Leisure Link, looks nice :) I'm going to try and take Lily-Rose there tomorrow, we will see how I go with that...


^Lily-Rose with her grumpy bear, I find it so funny she likes him the best out of all the care bears. It's totally fitting haha.
Later in the night after Allan had left, and Lily-Rose had her bath and bed time bottle, she just flat out refused to sleep. I felt terrible and after trying to settle her for ages I gave up and got her out of bed, she sulked quietly on me for a while and we watched the canonization of Mary Mackillop on TV together. Every time the pope came on the tv she would raise her head up squeal and smile at him, it was so funny haha
She's a real little character. Eventually she went to sleep around 8:30pm. It gave me a tiny bit of time to keep practicing my knitting. I've made some mistakes but I'm doing my best! Its awfully hard with my stupid hands, but I love it too much not to try...



Not sure what it'll be yet, probably a scarf... thats a good place to start! I'm trying a subtle 5 kn, 5 perl... we will see if it doesn't look like a huge mess in a few days!

Location:Burdoo Dr,Grovedale,Australia

She’s so funny!

Sewing Projects

Now when I think about it I seem to pack so much stuff into a day now. So much more than before I had a child!

Had an AWESOME sleep last night, Lily-Rose slept from 6pm – 8am !! That’s better than most adults! I gave her a late dream feed at 11pm though, so that’s probably what did it.

She had a huge dream feed tonight so I’m hoping for some sleep before the dreaded dentist appointment tomorrow :\ My filling in my molar has fallen out, owchies. Hope it’s not another root canal, expensive!

 

I made Lily-Rose a hat today with Japanese Kokka fabric, Little Twin Stars! It’s meant to look like this;

But for some reason it looks a whole lot funnier undone on her, haha;

I’m currently making her a summery jacket, but I need to buy some new buttons before I can finish it. I’m also making her a dress out of Kokka fabric :)
Brentyn did the night time ritual tonight, it helped so much :) He’s agreed to do that every second night through-out the holiday period, I’m really excited and hope I can get more work done in that time.

We spent a lot of today laughing at Lily-Roses new little squeals, she just sings and sings and sings, it’s hilarious. She grabs a toy and yells at it haha.  We had a lot of fun playing with her today, she enjoyed it so much, and she loves that Daddy is on holidays. She’s only little but she loves him so much! They’re so silly :)

She also hit a new milestone today (or at least today was the first time we noticed!) she is easily passing objects from one hand to the other. I’m sure she’s been doing this for a while… but Brentyn only just brought it to my attention today.

Lily-Rose fell asleep on the bottle tonight before Daddy got to ready her some Revolting Nursery Rhymes (booo) but I think Daddy enjoyed the sleepy cuddles :)

Oh and she grabbed a few day time naps today, shocking!! Maybe 2 hours sleep all up?? I’m chuffed!

 

I’m hoping tomorrow, after sending my ebay auctions out and doing to the dentist I can grabs some time to return to the gym again and also get some sewing done, but we will see! I might just take care of Lily-Rose so Brentyn can have a break too, he diserves it after all his hard studying! :) Proud of him…

Sooo sleepy

First “Solids” today! Yeah, she’s only 4.5 month, but she’s been itching for it, take it from me. Everyone (including Brentyn) thinks she’s probably not into it.. but trust me, I’m with her 24/7, this little girl wants to nom!! When I was eating a Banana in Phillip Island last weekend she was grabbing bits on her own and popping them in her mouth, a couple of bits got swallowed, so I thought it must be time for a try at solids.

I was going to give her farex cereal, but I thought banana would be easier since she’d already tried it and didn’t react, plus it’s natural and healthy! I mushed it up and she had a try. She didn’t look very impressed, and she was more interested in eating her new frog bib LOL. She probably ate half a teaspoon, if that, the rest went on her chin, but she was having fun and was happy afterwards. I might try again for breakfast tomorrow, depends if we get some money for bananas…

Oh another big day. I’m utterly *wrecked*! I woke up at 4am to Lily-Rose crying, I decided to go in and settle her without just immediately giving her the bottle by default. After an hour it worked! She slept for one hour after that, then woke up at 6am screaming blue murder! Oh well. Then I got up again and fed her, she went back to sleep then got up again at 8am. I asked Brentyn to do that feed because I was wrecked, he said okay but then groan and rolled his face into the pillow and did nothing. So after listening to her crying for 15 mins and pesting away over and over I just got up myself and did it. Ugh. I did however wake him up at 11am to feed her though, because I needed to clean the kitchen badly.

I finished making my mint m&m choc chip cupcakes, but Brentyn decided *after* I made them that he dislikes the “texture” of frosting, so the whole batch is wasted. Meh. I made him sweet and sour pork stir fry yesterday and he complained because he has to buy the groceries, then I forgot eggs so he had to go back and get those, by then he was grumpy as all get out. When the meal arrived he picked out all the pork and left the veggies and rice (lets just say 99% of the meal) and didn’t even say thank you. I asked him what he thought it needed to taste better and he snapped back defensively at me and said it was fine >_>

I don’t know, he must have just got out of the wrong side of the bed. But I’m not too happy with him today, I gave him Lily-Rose to mind while I cleaned the house (and was I ever, I busted my back working frantically!) and he held her with one arm ignoring her while typing on the computer with the other, then kept yelling at her to stop squirming. ugh. Ten mins later he dumped her in the lounge room alone on the floor in her play gym, he didn’t even TELL me, he just left her in the other end of the house alone to cry.

When I heard her crying I figured Brentyn was in there with her so I let it go, I figured he was letting her “cry it out” and was watching her. Suddenly the crying stopped and when I’d finished the dishes I went in to check on them and here’s Lily-Rose lyring fast asleep on the gym mat, lol. It was adorable, but I still was cross with Brentyn. He needs to understand you can’t just leave babies alone like that! Thankfully she’s not mobile yet!

I’m trying to sew Lily-Rose some clothes, I tried to make my own teddy bear hat pattern but it’s not working out, hmmm, I’m not sure about it. I’d love love LOVE to finish my sewing projects, but i can’t because Lily-Rose barely sleeps in the day :( (or the night, now it seems)

Anyway, this entry is a bit of a vent, but I guess it’s fueled by exhaustion!! Must sleep now!

Long time…

I haven’t blogged in so long. In fact the last time I blogged was on my blogger page the day I ended up giving birth.

I guess I caught caught up, y’know, being a Mum and all.

Lillian-Rose Hikari Stafford (Weighing 8 lb 7oz & 52 cm long) was born at 12:33am on Feb 5th 2010.

I don’t have much time to blog tonight, but I never do so I keep putting it off. But lets just say this for now, birth was *a lot* easier than I thought it would be! Labour was 5-6 hours long, and I gave birth 3 hours after arriving at hospital. I wasn’t sure how I’d go so I asked to prepare an epidural (as they take a few hours to organise and I was starting to get mighty uncomfortable) but as soon as I asked my water broke and I needed to push, about 15-30mins later she was born, completely drug free. And really? I was lucky, it didn’t hurt, it just felt uncomfortable. However the pushing part was fast, it DID hurt. It feels exactly like what it is, like pushing a watermelon out of your arse. But the contractions? No biggie :)

Post-natal woes were *a lot* more difficult, I had violent PND & Anxiety 2 hours after giving birth and it has only just started to settle down now. Lily-Rose went to emergency and almost died at 3 days old from dehydration, I had terrible troubles breast feeding her so decided to exclusively express while on Domperidone (medication to bring in milk supply) but I soon realised it took AGES, I was chained to my breast pump and had no damn time to sleep. Getting up at 11pm, 2am, 4am and 7am to pump breasts for an hour a go and not even get enough for a bottle… ugh.
I was also in emergence in the first weeks as they thought I was haemorrhaging, but thankfully I wasn’t. Oh and don’t START me on the night sweats, ew.

Needless to say everyone is happy now, She is 4.5 months old. She’s on S26 Gold formula (was on NAN HA, but after a few weeks she decided to starve herself on it, docs said it was reflux and not to change formula, we ignored them and we ended up correct – phew!)

So anyway, I was going to blog from when she was a newborn till now. but life happens, doesn’t it?

Things have been full on, and it’s so easy to push it aside because you simply don’t have time, are sleep deprived or you are just going plain nuts…. but I thought about it today and I keep forgetting when she did this, or that… and I realise how INSANELY fast she is growing up. It’s scary! As much as I terribly hated the newborn phase (the first 6 weeks were the utter pits, I don’t care what anyone tells you lol) I feel a little sad that she’s already so big, I feel like I’ll blink my eyes and she’ll be moving out.

I came to a sad realisation today. When she took the bottle or breast she’d always stare straight into your soul and grab your glance and never move. Now she’s darting her eyes every which way around the room and no matter how much you call her she won’t look at you. She’s too clever, but I’ll really miss that.

But yeah… I love her so much :) I’m back blogging now, thank goodness – and everyday is always packed with something new and exciting, that’s what I love the most about her, she keeps you on your toes!

formspring.me

Ask me anything, I enjoy answering questions :D http://formspring.me/shidesha

Might be my last post for a bit

Who knows. I had the painless contractions this morning every ten mins. Mum and Dad came over and it was really good to have extra company to get my mind off things. It really really helped me calm down.

Soon the painless contractions started being accompanied by mild period pain but I could talk through them okay. Dad went out and bought me subway for lunch because I didn’t really want to leave the house in case, I was feeling really nauseous but as soon as I smelt the sandwich I ate it and was fine.

Having Mum and Dad around was really really helpful.

 

When Brentyn arrived home from work at 2pm my contractions stopped abruptly. I think it was cause he was grumpy and put me on edge. Phantom labour!

I decided, great, now Il get some sleep then, I slept for 20 mins and woke up RIGHT on the peak of a scary intense contraction. The first thing I said to Brentyn is "OMG I cant do this! :(“

He was good and told me I can and will :) I had a few more that were really sporadic. Mum called up to see how I was and while i chatted to her I had to keep giving the phone to Brentyn when i contraction came cause they were too intense to talk through.

As soon as I got off the phone Brentyns Grandma called up to see how wed been (like, straight as we hung up, lol) Brentyn put me on and almost as soon as I said hi I started getting a real intense contraction and handed the phone back to Brentyn. I felt seriously rude. I asked Brentyn to tell her to just wait one min, but she ended the call :(

Then I called the hospital to double check what on earth is going on. They weren’t in pattern anymore but they were intense. The midwife said “Good news, your body is getting ready for labour”

WHAT?! Ugh. I thought I was in labour. Poo. Its scary, made me think.. well…. labour will be INSANE.

She told me to stay home till I get a pattern and they come 5 – 3 mins apart…. she said if I came in now my contractions would stop from the change of environment. She told me to have a hot shower and put a hot water bottle on it. Which I have.

I had a bunch of short contractions in the shower, which I guess was because I wasn’t sitting down anymore. They were all 3 mins apart but I could handle them without squeezing Brentyn’s hand to nothing. He went and got me the hot water bottle and I put it on… I haven’t had any for 15 mins or so, longest break in a while so the heat must be doing the trick.

Hes playing drums now, I guess hes trying to milk the independence while he can!

 

The annoying news is that the midwife said there's a chance the contractions will just stop and not come back for a few days. Ugh. Which means I’ll have to be induced :( I really want it to start naturally, and I  really want it all over and done with :(

Looks like there'll be a longer wait yet.

I think labour is starting soon.

Goodness. I’m home alone and scary things are happening.

This morning I woke up with contractions that were kinda painless – now they’re getting a bit uncomfortable and period like. I can time them to almost 10 mins apart exactly.

 

I went to the toilet before and I had a HUGE amount of globby mucus, this time with really bright blood streaked in it – not brown like before. I also had a teeny bit of brownish blood last night. When that cleared up I tried not wearing a pad, thinking I was over it. And I woke up realising my discharge continues but is clear, so I think I’ll need to keep the pads on for now.

 

I think this means labour is under way. But… no one is around or available. Brentyn left for work an hour ago while I was still half asleep (and inadvertantly waking up mildly for each contraction but not realising until he had just left)

 

I’m a bit nervous…. I feel as though I’m forgetting everything I was taught to do! Oh well.

This might be the last update for a while.

Early Labour maybe?

Well, we certainly have progress! This is quite scary and wow, it comes all of a sudden! I still have so much to do.

This post will be graphic-ish but, you have been warned so don’t be offended if you read on.

 

Yesterday I went in for my Midwife appointment. I cancelled my appointment with the diabetes educator (which was put aside for emergency) because it’s clearly not been an issue. Anyway, I waited for about 15 mins, they asked where my file was because they were “preparing” for me, then 15 mins later they called me in. No midwife. Hey, what’s going on? Now there are two doctors in the clinic room. This must be serious, right? Well, apparently I’m so far along they bypass the midwife for this appointment.

The doctor was really nice and extremely blaze, I’m sure some people would hate that – but I *loved* that, it made me feel calmer about everything lol Apparently there was glucose in my urine (figures, the one time I cancel my diabetes appointment), but the doctor said it’s too late on to worry about it anymore. I didn’t have a clue why Id have glucose in my urine, Ive been eating fine and my BG readings are all normal. Makes me a little concerned.

My blood pressure was 130/80, which is fine apparently. Cool. Now they felt the baby, she pushes around, measures me (didnt tell me how big I was this time) and said the babys head is completely “locked” in place. I suppose that means it’s completely engaged now?

Then she went to do an internal examination of my cervix. Eeep. I nervously ask her if it will hurt and she told me “It’s just a little uncomfortable, but less painful that the Strep B test”. Oh. The strep B test was a walk in the park, so I relaxed and took deep breaths and thought of a beach. Did nothing, she stuck two fingers up and I struggled, it was a little painful, a little uncomfortable. She says to me “I have two fingers in and I’m touching the babys head. That means you’re two centimetres dilated, but I don’t think you are effaced at all”. Okay, no worries, now take your fingers out and let me get dressed. AHHHH OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING! “I’m just stretching the cervix a little”.

Holy God in heaven. That was TERRIBLE pain! I ask her “Whoa, is THAT what a contraction will feel like?!” and she responds “No, no, much worse than that!”. Thanks a lot for that. I feel so reassured. :\ Or, try this, scared to absolute death of labour now. Thanks.

I am still annoyed she did this without my knowledge OR permission. Ugh. But none the less, I’m sure she did it with good reason, and I’m sure it will help.

After that she casually called the birthing unit and booked me in for an induction on February 7th. She didn't actually tell me when or where to go, but I asked someone else later at MDAU and they told me 7am at the Birthing Suite (because it was a Sunday and MDAU would be closed). Apparently I go in, in the morning and have gel placed on my cervix to help it along. I stay for a few hours of monitoring, go home, then come back in the afternoon for more gel. I then stay overnight in the post-natal maternity ward (with crying babys, for a lovely sleep – lol). First thing Monday morning I get an IV drip & pitocin put on me. If nothings happened by the afternoon/evening they rupture my membranes. If that doesn’t start labour I’ll have a caesarean (apparently this is unlikely since I’m already dilated…). They said expect 2 days wait for the induction and then a further day for the labour. Hmmm.

It also means though, that for the whole second day of labour I have to go it alone most of the time because husbands are not allowed in the maternity ward except for 3 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the arvo. Even if he’s my birthing support partner. Whatever. Stupid rules.

It’s funny, they go on and on about “Have you got support? Will you have help after birth – you might get post natal depression”. Then they go ahead and say your husband can’t be with you. It seems to conflict but oh well.

 

Anyway after the appointment she asked me to go over to MDAU for another foetal monitoring. I thought my water broke on the way there but I wasn’t sure. They didn’t test me, but said it was probably just the gel the doctor used during the exam. Oh, oops.

The monitoring was fine, but took longer than usual. For the first time I got two strong contractions during the monitor, and they made cute little hills on the graph sheet. It was awesome to see the numbers coming down as the contraction went away. I can imagine in a real contraction that would be an awesome motivator.

By this point mum had arrived to pick me up (for some reason she found me in the hospital without knowing where I was – lucky!) this made me feel SO good, as I was getting kind of scared all on my own being poked and prodded and feeling like I’d just had a knife jammed up me.

 

When I got home I discovered I had been bleeding brown blood. I was told to expect this so I changed the pad and carried on. 2 hours later I was still bleeding. Only lightly, but it wasn’t pink blood. I was told to call if the blood was bright, or if I bled the next day. I ended up bleeding untill about 3am (only lightly) In the morning there was no blood.

I eventually got to sleep. The baby would move and it would give me shooting stabbing pains that would just stop me from falling asleep like a gunshot. It was near impossible to get comfortable, every time I fragiley moved just a little bit I’d get pain and have to stand up, shake myself out a bit and try again to lie down. Ugh annoying! Brentyn made me a hot water bottle and my God – that did it! I put the bottle and the body pillow in between my knees and was off like a light in 5 mins. Bless him :)

I got up at 7am and had breakfast and I was feeling a teeny tiny bit better and not bleeding. But just before Brentyn left for work at 10am and went to the toilet and lost my mucus plug. It was pink bright blood. It looked like I had the flu and it was like blasting into a snotty bloody tissue – yuck yuck. But yeah, unmistakable, that’s for sure. And gross.

 

Now I’m still feeling uncomfortable down there, I feel like I’ve been bashed up in the crotch. I haven’t got the sharp pains (probably because baby hasnt moved much this morning, which is normal for it.) I haven’t had any BH contractions since one last night… but I have had some crampy mild period like pain. Who knows what's going on.

 

I don’t think I’ll make it to my due date.

 

 

Now I’m going to try and figure out some calming relaxtion techniques because I was near on having a panic attack in hospital yesterday which was NOT cool. I don’t want my birth to be like that, I really, really don’t.

39 weeks & 1 day

Nothing much new to report. Well, not really anyway.

I was up last night with regular period pains, without tightening (some with). They all lasted 40 seconds and came about every 20 mins. I thought; “Is this the early sign of labour!?”.
Well, I decided that if it was, being 4am, I should probably get as much sleep as I could. When I woke up I had no pains… so I guess it was just another session of those week 39 aches and pains. Ah, pregnancy, how I detest thee!

Weird things happened to my blood sugar yesterday. Mangoes were on special for $2 each, and being that it was 39 degrees C yesterday, I couldn’t resist, despite the fact I had no idea how much sugar was in a regular mango.
I waited till my sugar readings were about 4.1, then I ate the mango. I went to church, came home and 2.5 hours after eating I tested my sugars. I was 4.1 still, so I told Brentyn to hold off cooking dinner for 2 hours and I would have some weet-bix to tide me over untill then. I ate my regular weet-bix.
Late on, my loving, gorgeous star of a hubby made dinner. Two chops, steamed veggies and his *perfect* roast potatoes, *drool*. I went to test my sugars and… wait… what?! 7.3? I kept saying “Wait noooo! Dinner is ready! It looks so good!” I was so sad. Not only was my reading insanely high for me, but just before dinner! I always like to be under 5.5 before I eat. 2 Hours after I have eaten I need to be under 7. If I’m between 7 and 5.5 I wait for my levels to go down before I eat anything with carbs.

This was different though, my hubby just made me a diabetic feast and I was so fed up I just ate it. I said, damn the test – I want my dinner! :( Here’s the weird thing though, I did my test 2 hours after eating again and my sugars were 4.2! How does that work?
I really don’t understand how my body takes on sugars. It makes no sense. Some days it acts like it doesn’t have diabetes, others I feel like I should be in hospital, lol.

I crashed into Justine from birth class, whom I went to high school with many moons ago – at church last night. She’s due one day later than me and, just like me, is so very over being pregnant too. It’s good to know you’re not alone! I empathised with her hand on her hip and the slight waddle in her step, I could feel the pressure of our bub on me and I thought, man, everyone must get like this towards the end. It really sucks. But at least I know the baby is getting ready. It’s very very low on my cervix, I haven’t been tested but boy can I tell.

I am excited (in a strange way) about tomorrow. It’s my midwives appointment, possibly my last. Now, I know it’s pot-luck which midwife I get, and their opinions on my condition at the moment… but I’m hoping to get someone who is empathetic and professional this time. Not in a rush, not a know-it-all and certainly not someone who refuses to read my file then calls me low-risk. That particular midwife really upset me.

According to the general consensus, I should be induced  before I reach 40 weeks gestation. At my last appointment I was told that when I come in to my 39 week appointment, if I hadn’t already gone into labour naturally, I would meet with a doctor to book an induction time. However, the curse of that one irritating midwife I got once, creeps over me. She said I would be induce after 41 weeks  just like every “other” low-risk patient. I was told by the sonographer that the baby would be too large to deliver naturally after 40 weeks, and I seriously believe her now with the way my uterus feels absolutly stretched to capacity, it’s insane.

I have to be honest, if they don’t induce me before 40 weeks, I will be scared. Scared for my health, scared for the babies welfare, and scared of an emergency caesarean that could have easily been avoided otherwise. What would be my ultimate dream outcome of the appointment? If they said “We will induce you, and before we do, we will have an ultrasound to make sure baby is the right position and the correct weight for a vaginal delivery”.

Of course, that would never happen. One can dream though.

In all reality I’m expecting to go in, do a urine test, have them feel my tummy, brush off my questions, and rush me out the door saying “Call us when contractions are five mins apart – NEXT!”. *sighs* I seriously wish some of the midwives would read my files thoroughly. The one I got for my 37 week pre-admission appointment was AWESOME. If I got her again, I’d be so happy. She was patient, friendly and had actually read my file. She also asked if I had any more questions like 3 times before I left.

Well, I guess a prayer or two is in order. Hopefully everything will work out and I will have a non-stupidly long labour, that doesn’t end in a caesarean. An epidural that actually works would be delightful too, but maybe I’d be pushing my luck on that.

If I do need a c-section, I will be kind of screwed. Brentyn can only get 3 or so days off, and since I’m in hospital for 3 days… he won’t be home for those first days with baby :( This makes me *so* insanely disappointed! While I know mum will surely come around to help, I feel uncomfortable sitting around doing nothing when I have guests. It’s different with Brentyn… he’s always here so I don’t feel like I need to “entertain” as it were.
That being said, I will ask for help anywhere I can get it, it would be wonderful. But I just can’t help but feel like leaving me alone with the baby after major abdominal surgery and what will probably be a HUGE line of guests knocking at my door wanting to meet the new baby – will be exasperating. Especially when the house is still cluttered and messy. I try to clean it but anything that is left are heavy boxes and furniture, which I can’t move if I wanted too. Brentyn says he’ll do it – but he forgets. Hmmm.

The next couple of weeks are going to be so intense on my emotional stability, I can just sense it. I am a prime candidate for postpartum depression.

False Alarms & Body Image Issues

 

Chops, Roast Potatoes (perfect!) & Veggies. Brentyn made me such an awesome dinner last night! Bless him!

 

Oops, it’s been a while. I knew it wouldn’t take long before I started to procrastinate in writing.

And of course I made myself the usual excuses “I’m pregnant, I’m crampy, I’m too tired!”. Well duh, actually I’ve been like that every day for a while :p So it shouldn’t count.

I keep having these mini false alarms at night (probably because it’s when baby is most active) and think “Oh, this is the early stages of labour!”. Then I fall asleep and wake up in the morning and all symptoms have gone, lol. Figures.

Last night was no exception. I had SO much movement in my lower pelvis. Every time baby moved I got a wriggle like normal, under my skin, then a SHARP OMG OWCH pain right on my cervix. It made me want to jump through the ceiling. I kept saying to Brentyn “Holy crap, if transition is just THAT sharp pain, I will kill myself or be lying shaking and crying in a pool of my own vomit” lmao. No seriously. I can handle that pain for the 2 second bursts I get from the nerve pinching, but if it went any longer than that I’d go into cardiac arrest! Ow ow!

In a positive light, I can’t be too annoyed when the baby gives me those pains though. It feels SO reassuring to feel the baby move about like that, because I feel absolutely nothing through-out the day. I worry about the baby, I worry it has it’s head trapped in the cord or is under distress. I’ll sit down and force myself to crunch down a whole tray of mini ice blocks, then I poke and prod my stomach for a while. The baby will generally kick (pulse) once VERY gently. Enough that I don’t call the midwives, but not enough to give me some peace of mind! My number one concern these days is the babies movements. I really hope everything’s okay in there.

I guess I’m also kind of worried about the babies size. At the moment I have one little foot up resting on my right floating rib. I also have a big bubs head firmly sitting near my cervix (and I’m telling you this without know what station, or how effaced I am. No one has ever checked that…). I’m judging this based on those shooting pains I get when bub moves.

The baby is so big now that I simply can not tell the difference between a Braxton Hicks contraction (or any tightening of my tummy) and the baby moving. Sometimes the baby slides ALL the way to one side, and a huge back pokes out the side of my tummy leaving me looking like an alien (and feeling like I’m about to be torn a huge whole in my side!!). I can feel tight pressing of arms and legs and back and bottom on all sides of my tummy. Sometimes I tell myself “The baby is traverse! How else could it fill so much room?!” but then I get a pain in my cervix that reminds me that the baby is still engaged as well as filling up the rest of my tummy.

I wonder how big the baby will be. I would guess 9lb something… but everyone keeps telling me “You’re so small, you’re belly isn’t big enough to deliver yet!” Hmmm. I am currently 99 kg. I know this is enormous. But when I first got pregnant I was the biggest I had *ever* been my whole life. I was 103.5 kg. A couple of weeks ago I was about 92kg, but I’ve been putting on some weight these last weeks. It’s the only time through the whole pregnancy I have put on weight… I’m guessing a lot of it has to do with the babys growth, and then how starving the baby has made me. However, all I eat is Weet-Bix with Splenda and low fat milk. It baffles me how anyone could gain weight on that.
Anyway, my point is, probably the reason my tummy looks small, is because I have been losing weight and most of my tummy is just baby. I can see in myself, I have lost a lot of weight in the last 9 months. Seriously. It bothers me because it’s left me with non-elastic loose skin, so while my tummy is stretched to capacity with terrible tears and stretchmarks, the rest of me is all soft and skin. Hmph. I can’t win a trick! Pregnancy really has screwed up my skin.I kind of knew that would happen though, when I had a growth spurt in puberty I got a stack of stretch marks too, from getting tall. I got over it though, I’d take stretch marks over loose skin any day. At least they fade away.

It’s funny, I’m complaining about my bodies appearance now. Everyone's told me to be prepared for heartbreak after birth. Great :p But I am sure seeing our little sweetheart will make this all seem like superficial crap, which really, it is. I don’t really care myself, I just want my husband to be happy with my body. Otherwise, no more kids, right? LOL Not that I want to think about that right now!

 

Well Brentyn has the rest of today off. I’d like to say this means we can finally finish doing the chores around the house (because most of it involves lifting heavy things, stuff I need help with) but Brentyn looks so cute right now, all snug up in his blankets. What a slug, lol. We are definitely getting nothing done today, I can see that already!

Everything seems normal :)

Off to work, again :) Packed lunch, yay!

Well, I am back from M.D.A.U. The CTG scan went well and baby is moving a lot in there and the heart beat is normal. Yay!

I did notice something different this time though, my contractions monitor was actually moving a teeny bit, it’s usually just a straight line for me. Maybe that means something.. hmmm.

The midwife gave me the option of waiting to see a doctor to get examined to see my progress, but she warned it’d be a really long wait, and she believed it’d probably be a waste of time anyway since she’d probably notice something was up otherwise. I thought about it for a while and decided to just go home and call them if I have any problems. Brentyn had to leave for work soon anyway, so it was better that way.

We talked a little about my SPD. She said it’s actually really common and while it’s annoying it should be expected. She told me if I can’t relieve it at all though and it doesn’t go away it *might* be something else, so I should keep an eye on it, which I will.

Mum’s coming over soon. Oh my goodness, I am so exhausted. I barely got any sleep last night. I was hoping to get a nap today but the MDAU took a while so now Mum should be here any minute. Not that I don’t like her around, I really do. It’s extremely reassuring (especially at this late stage) and it’s awesome having the company. I would just feel rude if she came over and I left her for dead so I could have a sleep. lol. It’s okay though.

Brentyn and I have been talking about what to do with the baby bonus. Nope, no plasma TV’s lol. We have all our baby gear waiting for us in two lay-bys at Target. They just need to be picked up. That’s about $600. Then we will get a drier (which will be especially handy since we’ll be using cloth nappies, and this area is really prone to thrips). We will also put money aside for a cot. I know we have one but it’s been told to us, down to the ground, that it doesn’t pass today’s SIDs safety laws. It was Brentyns cot, so 25 years old. And while there’s something insanely cute and awesome about using it… no new mattresses or sheet sets fit it’s dimensions anymore, and we’ve been warned by the midwives that it could seriously increase the risk of cot death :( Sad :(
We also need a new vacuum cleaner, and if we have the money, a lawn mower/whipper snipper. We’ll try to get a treadmill too, so that I can recover faster and get over my diabetes (and down to target weight) easier. That is pretty important to me, I really don’t want type 2 this young.

That should leave us with about $2000 to save for baby in an ING account, which we will take out when the baby is older and needs new clothes and toys etc.

Sounds great in theory, it’d be awesome if it went to plan!

Last date before bub, followed by weird feelings. (TMI warning)

Up in the middle of the night with weird pains again. Seriously suspicious ones. Now, this would all make sense if I had eaten something weird or different today – but I haven’t and this is just ridiculous.

Brentyn and I went to the cheap $10 movies today and finally saw “The Princess and the Frog”. It was so awesome! I really enjoyed seeing 2D Disney again, it makes me so happy :) Prior to this though Brentyn and I, in classic dating style, went and bought lunch. I can’t even remember the last time we bought lunch. It was awesome, it felt just like when we were dating again. And, joy of joys, my blood sugar behaved itself. I only had Chicken Teriyaki, Broccoli and miso soup from Fuji-San (had to toss most of the rice though :() but ohhh it had flavour and it was to DIE for! Brentyn just had McDonalds, it didn’t look appealing to me anymore. He gave me two of his fries and I couldn’t ever taste the appeal. I suppose it’s telling how long I’ve been eating well and avoiding that stuff – now I don’t even want it anymore, which is great.

Anyway, when we got home from Readings Cinemas I felt a bit weird and full of pains. I shrugged it off, because (TMI alert) I had a lot of gas with each BH contraction. What I hadn’t realised though is that getting rid of the gas would not relieve the contraction. I was just left with an uncomfortable pain in the bottom of my pelvis that I couldn’t shake. However all of babys movements (tiny amount that they are…) are now right in my lower pelvis, nowhere near my ribs.
After midnight I went to sleep. I’ve been waking up about 1-2 times each hour since then. It’s about 3:00am now. Then (TMI again) I had the runs and felt like I was going to vomit everywhere. And strangely enough this was accompanied by tingling feet and legs with a little numbness. I have no idea what that was about.

All I know is that this has all been completely new and weird. Add to this I still have no idea what a real contraction is going to feel like, and I’m stuck in two trains of thought.
One) That this is all lead up to a huge FESTIVAL of pain that I can’t even contemplate or;
Two) That I’m in the early phases of labour and will go in tomorrow to hear I am progressing.

Something tells me it’s the former. I have a stupidly low thresh-hold for pain. Even though I have had pretty intense pain from 3 abscesses in the past.
People laugh at me when I say that, but seriously; the pain of a very deeply infected abscess which was about one day off killing me from blood poisoning is just about one of the most painful things I can think of. You can’t really understand unless you’ve had it happen. All I remember was the last time it happened Brentyn had to take me to the emergency outpatients at a hospital in Melbourne two nights in a row. The last night I was there I just held a wheat pack to my face, moaned and rocked back and forth in a foetal position till a doctor saw me (which was 4 hours later…). Just about everyone in the waiting room looked at me with that face that says “Damn, should I be here? I’m glad I’m not her…”.

Well I think I’m probably not in labour now. As I write this it’s about 3:36 am and I haven’t had a really painful BH contraction. Just one mild one.
Either way, I go to the Maternity Day Assessment Unit at Geelong Hospital tomorrow at 10am. I’m only going in for my weekly CTG scan to check the babies heartbeat (because I can barely feel the baby move at all these day). I desperately hope they check me out beyond the CTG though. Maybe I should plead with them since they know I am going two weeks without seeing anyone and I’m term. It’s pretty unfair to leave me in the dark :( Especially when I’m high risk, a first timer, and super nervous!

We will see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully some sleep! I’m so exhausted…

Can’t sleep… again

Brentyn & Trunks – Still sleeping like “babies”…

This frustrates me the most about being 38 weeks pregnant. I can never sleep enough.

Today I am lucky, I woke up at 5:50am. Usually it’s 3am or 4am, which usually coincides with Brentyn getting off the internet and finally going to sleep, lol.

Maybe I should be thankful my body is trying to warn or prepare me for what is to come. I’m sure it will be extra difficult though, since I’ve always had trouble getting enough sleep with CFS.

Pregnancy update – Still nothing. Now I’m having headaches, which are apparently a sign of High Blood Pressure (again?). I’m not concerned though, not having enough sleep would do this to anyone.

On a positive note, Blood Sugar was low again this morning so I treated myself to my long craved diabetic favourite of 3 weet-bix and 2 sachets of equal sweetener. Oh man, to die for :)

Other than that – no contractions (other than a random Braxton hicks and then random bouts of pain which are probably not contractions) no bloody show or waters breaking… I *might* be losing my plug slowly, but I have no idea till a midwife checks me out. I’m getting concerned & impatient. I think I might just get them to check if they are not super busy at the Day Assessment Unit on Wednesday (27th).

Now I shall try to get back to sleep again. Doubt that will happen!

Happy Australia Day :)

Week 38 (+2 days)

Here’s hoping the blood tests end & a baby will arrive soon…

It feels like I’ve been pregnant for a full year… or maybe longer.

While I’m really excited to not be pregnant anymore, not have the pains, the extra weight to carry around, (hopefully) not have diabetes and the constant limitations; I’m as equally paranoid about labour.

I still can’t fully decide what I want to do. I think there are too many people with too many different ideas. Some people will tell me to go all natural, and imply that people who use pain medication are weak (cop-out). Others will be open to the idea of pain relief and absolutely terrify you out of considering even the thought of feeling one contraction naturally.

Then there are the anti-epidural groups. They’ll have you believe that even though most people get epidurals these days – if *you* get the epidural *you* will be the one in a million that becomes paralysed from it. And lets not forget that if anything happens to your baby, it was *your* fault for using pain relief.

I just wish people wouldn’t get so mad at each other, and accept that there are many ways to give birth, and they’re all completely valid. People have a hard enough time accepting and dealing with the loss of a child through labour, without the additional guilt-tripping from those who think they know better.

So far my rough plan is to go in and see how I feel. If I can’t cope, I’m open to an epidural. This will be a lot more likely if I am induced. If I can’t get an epidural, and I’m not on an IV drip, I’ll go for the bath. If that’s out too, I’ll go for anything I can get (but certainly not Pethidine/Demerol – I draw the line there).

I feel like I will go into labour before my 39 week midwife appointment. I can’t believe at this late stage they are cancelling my 38 week midwife appointment because it’s a public holiday. That’s really professional.

I’ve been told if I get to my 39 week appointment before going into labour, that I will get an appointment from a doctor – for induction before 40 weeks.

I really would prefer if I went into labour naturally, we will see. The way I’ve been feeling the last few days, I seriously would not at all be surprised if I went into labour this week.

I can’t remember the last night I didn't wake up from pains (not just from needing to pee a lot). I have a milder form of SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction) which hurts more at night than in the day. I find it really painful to change sides at night, or sit up… and when I get up for a bathroom stop in the middle of the night I look like the Hunchback of Notre Dam, just a lot more complain-y and loud :p

On a positive note, though, my blood sugar levels have been a LOT easier to manage this last week. Apparently they keep getting higher through pregnancy, plateau at 37 weeks then taper off. Yay.

Tomorrow Brentyn has a day off, so I finally get to rest! I’m really sick of doing jobs around the house and garden… the last few days I’ve been beyond exhausted.

Hopefully we can go to the movies together as a last hurrah before baby arrives.

I find it very amusing that at this very moment little baby has the hiccups in Mums tummy, and Brentyn is sitting next to me with hiccups too. Lol. Cute.